On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
