Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
