I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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