i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
soo... how was my night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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