drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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