All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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