Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
