You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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