nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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