after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
