he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
