Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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