She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
