that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
