a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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