I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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