So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
