best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
