So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
