Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
