People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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