Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
