That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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