I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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