he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
