We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
