Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
