Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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