god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
