I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
