I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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