we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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