we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
