I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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