Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
