Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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