We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
