Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
