HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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