when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
