hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's like iHOP with fire
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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