hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
