I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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