Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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