Four minutes until I can fart!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
whose ass print is on the piano?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
