How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
