dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
