"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
