garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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