I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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