After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
