I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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